what next?

The first saturday spent without BB.

I spent it sitting around school and doing math. It felt like what I did with my saturdays last June when I was studying for the mid year exams. I guess my days will gradually take on this form as the year progresses.

I'm nearly done with my EE (draft). I don't have high hopes for it, but completing it will give me peace of mind. TOK essay draft is done. Written task draft is done. I dare say most of my IAs are complete. There's about 30-40% left (BM IA!!). Then it'll just be studying and doing revision papers. Then IOC. Then more studying, and some hours spent in a cold room and IB will be over.

I need to find something to do with my life. I need a sense of purpose. I really don't know about BB. Like Brian says, I'm probably not in a good state of mind now to think about whether I should return. Maybe when I'm less stressed. But right now I can't find a reason to. I think I'm afraid of committing and pouring my heart out into BB (and its people) and then having to leave. I could sustain this over the past three years because I was constantly around and could see myself still being there in the near future. But it appears senseless to put effort into relationships now if I know I'm going to be leaving so soon. I guess my problem is that I'm always overly attached to what I do (it may not be a bad thing per se but here it seems so).

I should teach myself to maintain distance from things and people. In the long run, we're all dead.

-Jont