pack your suitcase and move on

Blink blink.

It's already the September holidays, and EOYs are looming. EOYs are the least of my worries, kinda. I know if I put in effort and do a couple of revision papers or something I'll do okay. It's getting mechanical now. Numb, in a way? Just the routine of doing work and understanding concepts and applying formulas. Kind of rhythmic and easy to get used to.

Other things, no so.

My dad's likely moving to China. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I guess I should be happy for him, since he'll be starting a new life there away from the shit in Singapore. He's always talking about how he wants to move there so this will be the fulfilment of his dream. He's finally free.

On the other hand, this represents the finality of things. This is it. The end. It hasn't really hit me yet, I think. We haven't moved to the new place yet so life's still kinda normal. And I've been in boarding school before so that wasn't a significant change for me. But the thought of your father going away kinda reminds you that everything is real. It's gonna happen. My childhood will effectively be over once we move out of our old place in November. It's the beginning of a new life for all of us.

What life? I don't know. Everything seems so uncertain. I don't know where life is taking me. I envy people who have their entire lives planned out. They know what they want to do, who they want to be with. And they have a family to fall back on. A house. A home. Something immovable. Something constant. I hate how everything is changing. How everyone is changing. There's nothing to hold on to. It's kind of like when you go on a tour overseas, you spend a few nights in this city and a few nights in that. You just pack your suitcase and move on.

-Jont