problems for another day

I haven't been writing much lately. Sorry.

Recently re-read all my old posts. In recent months I've become more cryptic and poetic. Which is good I suppose. Those close to me know what's been up while other haven't a clue. It isn't that hard to guess actually. Look around.

Anyway, I talked to Keri tonight during prep for quite a while. It's been quite a long time since I had a real serious conversation with anyone. I realised how much I miss my old friend. As much as I try to suppress emotion and just concentrate on my studies, I just can't seem to let that issue go. I miss having someone I could treat like a little brother. I miss having the long conversations about nothing in particular, just talking about our day and telling jokes. I miss everything I had.

2011 was a great year. I really really miss it. I've never been happier than I was in 2011. Everything was perfect. I had a nice family. I was doing well in school. I had an awesome class. The BB community was small and tight. I had two close friends whom I talked to so often.

What the hell happened.

Now I have no more family. I'm doing okay in school. My class is still not as awesome as it used to be. BB is still fun but I've yet to get thoroughly acquainted with all the new people. The friend has ceased all non essential communication with me.

I'm in boarding school but dad dropped by just now to say hi and to pass me some things he bought for me from China. Everything's changed. My parents are starting new lives. Mine is changing too. But I don't want this new life. I want the old one back.

I hate everyone for changing. I hate everything for changing. Sometimes I just want to stop doing everything and just run away. But I know that won't work out. I can't let myself get too angry because then I'll screw up in school and now is a really bad time to screw up in school (there's no real good time to screw up in school). I just go through each day thinking about school and my future and what I'm going to do in uni and after. I'm just avoiding the big problem. It's been working so far I guess. But I figure one day I'll have to face it.

-Jont