The moment when the autopilot light starts flickering and you know that you're gonna have to take control of your ship soon. It's quite scary, really, knowing that the decision you make will more or less define the rest of your life.
In a way, I quite envy those going into polytechnics because they know what they want to study. I speak to these friends and they tell me confidently the choice they've made. There's little hesitation; the conviction and passion in their voice scares me.
Robert Frost's oft-quoted (over)simplification doesn't do justice to the dilemma (trilemma? morelemma?) faced at this point. The opportunities available at this point are enormous. I could study almost anything (besides Chinese literature, etc) I want.
'...and sorry I could not travel [all] and be one traveller,'
But we have to choose one. Well not now, for me at least. Although the subjects I choose to take in IB will more or less rule out certain roads.
On one hand, I don't want to 'specialise,' so to speak. I enjoy every subject and would love to just go on studying them. On the other, life forces me to pick a profession to work towards to later print on résumés and name cards. And the decision is a pretty daunting one because one knows not where either path leads.
"...both that morning equally lay"
It all looks more or less the same now, but we know how different the outcomes will be. And that's the scary part. Not knowing what is in front scares us. Heck, even knowing what is in front (but not knowing if we'll get there in once piece) scares us.
We could have our entire lives planned out, but more often than not someone has other plans.
Someone bigger has other plans. God has other plans. Things may not be easy, but I will trust in God because He has His own plan. Things may seem to go wrong, but I will trust in God because He has His own plan. Things may not go the way that I had intended for them to, but I will trust in God because He has His own plan, and His plan is greater than mine.
With the giant question mark that is life staring me in the face, it is comforting to know that someone somewhere has a plan. All I have to do is to let go, to let God take control. And with that, I can stop worrying (also because, as your mother always told you, worrying doesn't help!) and stop being fearful.
Whether I take HL math or not, whether I get my grade 7 in English HL or not, whether I get my 42 points or not doesn't matter, because either way, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Jesus loves me and I have a place in His kingdom.
So it doesn't matter if I don't get a grade 7 for HL math and can't do Economics at Oxford. It doesn't matter if I can't do Law in any of the Ivy Leagues. When you put life into perspective, it seems a lot easier.
God loves me!
(EVEN if I become a lawyer)
-Jont
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